Five Books For Spooky Season, paid subscriber edition
A bonus recommendation, advice, October’s playlist, Halloween poetry and more
Happy spooky season! I hope you enjoyed the free edition of the October newsletter. If you missed it you can click here to catch up. This paid edition includes an extra book recommendation, my monthly book prescription column, two short Halloween poems (one spooky and one fun) and a bumper playlist for you as well as some great links if you want some extra reading.
Let’s dive in!
The Southern Book Club’s Guide To Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix
“Sometimes she craved a little danger. And that was why she had book club.”
This very modern horror is perfect for when you want something scary but also thoughtful, with a dash of nostalgia thrown in - think Stranger Things but with vampires instead of the upside-down. It’s set in 1980s-90s Charleston, South Carolina, and our heroine is a middle-class mom called Patricia. She attends a book club with some of her friends and they read mostly true crime books. There’s a thread running throughout the story of how the women’s book choices are sneered at by the men in their lives which I especially love as it speaks to so much about how our reading choices are judged by others.
So what’s it about? This isn’t remotely a vampire romance book but rather a horror with a lot of depth. When James Harris arrives in town, Patricia begins to realise that he’s a vampire. She struggles to be taken seriously and at first no one believes her. Before she knows it, Harris has insinuated himself deeply into her life and it’s up to Patricia and her book club friends to find a way to vanquish him. In the author’s note at the beginning of the book, Hendrix writes that Patricia is based on his own mother, and that he never appreciated when he was younger how much she did or took her seriously. He wanted to set up a story where his mom could take on Dracula - and win.
Hendrix also uses the story to explore racial inequality, and white apathy in particular, by having Harris feed on the children from the lower-income part of town where most of the residents are black. Can Patricia and her friends overlook the fact that they themselves remain safe only at the cost of other people’s children disappearing, or can they accept that they need to sacrifice their own comfort for the greater good? Will they be able to face up to how their own actions, in turning away from what’s been happening, have perpetuated evil? The everyday horrors of patriarchy are also a consistent theme which the women find themselves dealing with in myriad ways, from small daily indignities to, you know, having to battle an unholy evil with no support because their husbands dismiss their concerns about it.
What’s great about it?
If you like horror stories then this is a great one. I especially appreciate the way the more traditional horror is entwined with the everyday horrors of racism and sexism - it never feels preachy or agenda-driven but it’s much more than just a creepy, gory or scary read.
Patricia and her friends are flawed and they don’t always make good choices but their friendship is portrayed so well that it will feel familiar to anyone who has a long-standing group of friends. The fact that they fight and argue but are still always there for each other, whether for a small favour or a battle against supernatural evil, feels especially real. There’s also a pleasing humour in the way that Hendrix shows how frequently they’re underestimated and how their mom skills prove unexpectedly useful for vampire killing.
There are plenty of twists and turns along the way - in this sense it reads a little like a thriller - but as you’d expect from a horror novel not everyone gets a perfect happy ending.
Give it a try if: you love Stranger Things for its mix of horror and nostalgia; you love stories of women stepping into their power; you love novels with moral depth and nuance; you love books set in the Southern United States; you enjoy domestic noir thrillers and feel like reading their supernatural cousin; you like vampires but not romance.
October’s playlist
The spooky theme of this month’s newsletter means you’ve got a bumper playlist to enjoy this time - there are just so many good songs on our various book-related themes that I ended up making a full Halloween playlist for you. It has a mixture of everything from Fleetwood Mac to Rihanna by way of Carrie Underwood and the Red Hot Chili Peppers so there really is something for everyone - if you’re planning a Halloween party then this would make a great soundtrack! If you have suggestions for songs I should add then let me know, I’d love to hear from you.
October’s Book Prescription
Each month I’ll be featuring a letter from a reader who needs some advice. Rather than a regular advice column, I will prescribe a book or two which might help the reader see things from a new perspective or give them some insight into their situation. If you have a question you’d like a book prescription for then you can email me directly by replying to this email to feature in a future edition!
Dear Kate,
I am so tired. I am the mother of two young kids who are a lot of fun whilst simultaneously being utterly exhausting. I have a wonderful husband who I really love and also, not infrequently, want to murder. This is usually because I am dealing with all of the details of our lives on top of working a full-time job and still somehow being the primary parent in our household. I feel like I have to do everything - kids need a dentist? It’s my job to make the appointments. Mother-in-law needs a birthday gift? Also my job. We need a dinner reservation? Wait, who am I kidding? We never go out to dinner. But if we did, that would also be my job. I have tried to talk to my husband about this and he just doesn’t get it. He’s a great guy and I know he does his best but he doesn’t seem to grasp how much I’m juggling, and if I’m truthful his best is a lot slower and less efficient than mine, which means it’s often just quicker and easier to do things myself than ask him to do them - not that I should have to ask! I honestly feel like I can’t continue like this for much longer but I don’t know how to get through to him and explain that we need more help. Is there a book prescription you could recommend?
Yours tiredly,
Exhausted
Dear Exhausted,
I think a lot of readers are going to be able empathise with you on this. I say this not to take away from how hard it is but just to reassure you that while it feels hard and lonely when you’re in the midst of it all, there are lots of people who will understand how you feel having to carry all the mental load in your family.
I think this problem would benefit from a double-pronged effort: there are some practical things you can do and then there is a bigger piece around getting through to your husband. Personally I would have a think about the practical things first because then you’ll have a better idea of what exactly you’re asking him for, but you might want to have a conversation with him first and then take a look at the practical things together. Only you will know what’s going to work best in your particular marriage.
Practical questions
Last month, I suggested that Career Crisis should assess their resources and although your situation is very different, I’m going to suggest the same thing to you. What resources do you have to be able to recruit extra help? This might be in the form of help from outside the home, like paying for a cleaner, or it might be in the form of getting more help from within the family - not just your husband. For example, what could the kids help with? Are there any age-appropriate things of their own they could take responsibility for so that you’re not having to do it for them, like packing their own school bags or whatever the relevant tasks in your home might be? Having these questions clear in your mind might be helpful before you speak to your husband about the bigger picture, and of course you can see what his views on it would be. He very likely sees things you don’t and might have some suggestions of his own for how to make things easier.
On a more day to day note, could you (both!) consider setting up a family/shared calendar with things like birthday reminders programmed in? That way, he can take responsibility for the birthdays and events for his side of the family without you needing to remind him and of course you can use it for other events and reminders too. There might be some teething issues at first and setting it up might feel like yet another job to do but if you can manage it I think it might be very helpful. You can also, if appropriate, engage the idea of natural consequences, which gets so much airtime in parenting advice, so that if your husband forgets his mother’s birthday she just won’t get anything until she reminds him.
You also mention in your letter that you find yourself taking things on because it’s quicker and more efficient to just do them yourself. I understand why this happens - we’ve all been in that situation, whether at work or at home, I’m sure - but in the long run I suspect this isn’t helping you. It saves time and effort in the moment but over time it adds up to more stress and more load for you to carry. One piece of advice I was given by a professional coach during my corporate career was to remember that there’s more than one way to skin a cat (an awful phrase, but you get the point). When you find yourself tempted to step in, take a moment to think - what’s the worst thing that happens if you don’t? Does it take a bit longer to get the kids out of the door? Does it mean that the toys are going to be put away in the wrong containers? Or is it something that really will cause extra hassle or risk in some way? This will give you a feeling for where you really do need your husband to step up and where there’s an opportunity for you to step back and just… do nothing for a moment. I also said in last month’s column that we always have a choice, and I wonder if that might be a helpful reframe for you as well - trying to remember that we’re choosing to intervene or to step back is much more empowering than feeling as though we have to take on everything or things fall apart.
Getting through to your husband
The fact that you’ve previously tried to raise this issue without success means that it might be worth trying a new approach. I don’t know whether it’s possible for you to get a night off from the kids, just the two of you, to sit down and talk, but if it is I’d suggest doing that so that you have time and space to chat without interruptions or rushing. If you can make the effort to connect with each other first, before you get to the discussion phase, I think it will help to make the process of talking much easier.
I would suggest you obtain a copy of a book called The Mental Load: A Feminist Comic by Emma, which perhaps you can read together. It might be helpful for you to read it in advance so if there are particular parallels with your own relationship you’ll be able to mention them. It’s an insightful, humorous look at how women so often end up carrying the mental load and, importantly for your husband, a literal illustration of what that looks like and how it plays out in many marriages. Hopefully using the book to lead the discussion will bring a bit of levity to the process as well as helping with the heavy lifting in terms of trying to explain how you’re feeling and why.
There is another book which might also be helpful and which actually is designed to help with the exact situation you describe - Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. It has various chapters covering off the issue of mental load but then it also has an ingenious system of assigning cards for each task and a game you play as a couple to assign the cards/responsibilities. It’s designed to make the process both fun and a way to connect rather than argue and I could see it working very well if it’s the type of thing that appeals to you. Rodsky also talks about carving out time for both partners to find their ‘unicorn space’, an activity which you do for yourself but which also has a larger purpose, and I love that she’s given this so much attention.
Book prescriptions
The Mental Load by Emma
As mentioned, this is a comic book which brilliantly explains and explores the way women overwhelmingly carry the mental load in heterosexual relationships. A great way to illustrate the concept and also to start a discussion about it.
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
As above, Fair Play is not only a book but also a system to help distribute work fairly within the home. Rodsky rightly differentiates between the concept of equal vs fair distribution and provides a thoroughly-researched, practical and systematic way to help families balance tasks more fairly and support each other to pursue their own joys as well.
I also think it might be good for you to read a bit more widely away from the specific issue of domestic work to help give you a broader view on the issue. With that in mind, I’d recommend the two books below as a good place to begin:
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
You may well have read this already but if you haven’t I think it’s a great book for anyone who is feeling constricted by society’s expectations and needs inspiration to find a new way of being. Doyle tells the story of how her life was becoming too constricting; of feeling trapped in a marriage that wasn’t working (and in various other ways) and of how she finally found the clarity and the courage to create a life for herself which felt true. Of course I’m not suggesting that you should leave your husband but I do think there’s plenty of inspiration in there on why it’s important to be true to yourself even - perhaps especially - when it feels impossible.
What Kind Of Woman by Kate Baer
This is a poetry collection of scorchingly beautiful, honest poems which touch on marriage, motherhood and womanhood. Baer covers some of the same ground as Doyle - expectations, the feeling of being trapped, the dissolution of self that many women with caring responsibilities feel and the importance of finding it again - but in gorgeous poetry instead of narrative non-fiction. The poems are witty, deeply felt and sometimes shockingly candid.
I hope there’s something here to help you and that you’re able to find a new balance domestically that allows you fulfilment too.
Kate
October’s poems
This month I have two short poems for us, each very different to the other. One is truly creepy - the scariest poem I’ve ever read, for sure - and perfect for reading aloud on a dark night, while the other is comical and perfect for kids. Funny first:
Halloween Party by Kenn Nesbitt
We’re having a Halloween party at school.
I’m dressed up like Dracula. Man, I look cool!
I dyed my hair black, and I cut off my bangs.
I’m wearing a cape and some fake plastic fangs.
I put on some makeup to paint my face white,
like creatures that only come out in the night.
My fingernails, too, are all pointed and red.
I look like I’m recently back from the dead.
My mom drops me off, and I run into school
and suddenly feel like the world’s biggest fool.
The other kids stare like I’m some kind of freak—
the Halloween party is not till next week.
All Hallows by Louise Glück
Even now this landscape is assembling.
The hills darken. The oxen
sleep in their blue yoke,
the fields having been
picked clean, the sheaves
bound evenly and piled at the roadside
among cinquefoil, as the toothed moon rises:
This is the barrenness
of harvest or pestilence.
And the wife leaning out the window
with her hand extended, as in payment,
and the seeds
distinct, gold, calling
Come here
Come here, little one
And the soul creeps out of the tree.
October’s bonus links
I came across this very funny New Yorker piece (paywall), Explaining US Holidays To Extraterrestrials and was surprised to notice that Halloween wasn’t included - I suppose it’s more a festivity than an actual holiday. It got me thinking about how I’ve previously tried to explain Bonfire Night back home in the UK - a holiday where we burn an effigy of a 16th-century terrorist who attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament and, after the burning, set off fireworks to (I guess?) memorialise what was avoided. Sometimes it’s only when you have to explain something about your own culture that you realise how deeply odd it is.
Did you ever read the Goosebumps series of kids horror novels? This profile of R. L. Stine is by a journalist who grew up reading his books and now reflects on their place in literary history. It’s more fun than you might expect. (The Atlantic, paywall).
A fascinating look into the business of book blurbs and how the system is failing (The Atlantic, paywall). Do you ever buy a book based on the cover quotes? I do sometimes, if the blurb is from certain authors I really admire or where I know they have similar tastes to me. This gave me pause for thought.
Some great articles related to our recommended books this month:
A fascinating look at Stephen King’s family and how writing is a big part of all of their lives: Stephen King’s Family Business (New York Times, paywall).
An interview with Deborah Harkness, author of A Discovery Of Witches (New York Times, paywall).
An interview with Sarah Perry on the origins of her novel Melmoth (Waterstones, free).
A profile of Kate Baer which talks about not only What Kind Of Woman but also the blackout poetry she uses in her second collection (New York Times, paywall).
A taste of what to expect from Emma’s The Mental Load (Emma, free).
Thanks for reading!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this month’s paid edition - if you have any thoughts, suggestions or feedback I’d love to hear from you. You can comment on the post online or email me directly, whatever works better for you.
Join me next month for a new theme and lots more reading joy!
Kate
Excellent points you make when giving some advice and recommendations. Thank you so much for putting your heart and soul into this.